wandering thoughts

Happy First Day Back.

2010-09-23T15:03:00.000-06:00

I've finished command! Yay! And also, Boo!

After a long and tumultuous process, I was able to change command. I am no longer the commander of HHB, 2-43 ADA Battalion. It's bittersweet. On the one hand, I am SO GLAD that I don't have to worry about approximately 180 Soldiers every single weekend. I don't get phone calls in the middle of the night about them, and I don't have $32 million worth of property to worry about (that's another story...)

On the other hand, though, I don't have any of those Soldiers any more. And let me be clear- I love being in command. Not just for the prestige (which consisted mostly of having my own parking spot and being saluted all the time) and responsibility, although those were nice. The reason I love command is because I love Soldiers, and the most satisfaction I get in my job is when I am helping Soldiers. Training, dealing with problems, presenting awards, all that stuff. It's phenomenal. And I am not there any more, not in front of a formation full of people united in common purpose and preparing to execute our mission. It's kind of a letdown.

In other news, I'm back in command! Yay! And Boo!

Yep, I was selected for a second command. I am now the commander of my battalion's Rear Detachment. For those of you who are snickering right now, believe me, I've heard (and made) all the jokes.

Here's what this means. My battalion is deploying in the near future. In any deploying unit, there are several (sometimes many) Soldiers who for one reason or another cannot deploy. Either they are leaving the Army, or are medically unfit for duty, or are scheduled to move to another installation before or during the deployment. All of those people need a place to go and someone to tell them what to do, and that is me. This also means that I am not deploying, but will be responsible to represent the battalion to all post agencies, and I am also responsible to take care of the needs of all of the family members that are left behind.

On the one hand, it's a really really really difficult assignment. I have to find something meaningful to do for all the Soldiers in my command, and once the battalion leaves, I have to ensure that all the families are being taken care of- financially, logistically, everything. So if a deployed Soldier isn't paying his rent, his wife will call me and ask me to fix it. Or if a Soldier goes on leave from the deployment and forgets his ID card and can't get on the plane, I will have to fix it. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

On the other hand, I have Soldiers again! And literally the only thing I have to do is help resolve their issues. It's great. Except for when it's not. Which leads me to this: On my first day back from my 19 days of leave (a glorious 19 days, which is incidentally the most time off I've had in over a year), there was a shooting at Fort Bliss. And two of my new Soldiers were eyewitnesses. And one of those two was the very first person to administer first aid, and he saved a life. I'm really proud of him- but he's taking it really hard. We're doing all the right things for him, getting him into counseling and whatnot, and he's doing better, but it's tearing him up. You expect to see stuff like this in a combat area, and can prepare yourself for it. You don't expect it when you're trying to buy a Gatorade at the Shoppette.

So my question to the universe is, WTF? Is that it? 19 days is all the time off I get before I have to deal with something major? Come on, cosmos.

It costs to be the boss

2010-02-16T20:48:00.008-07:00

So... long hiatus. I make no apologies, and only one excuse:

Command is HARD.

Let me break it down for you all right here.

Up at 4:30
At work no later than 5:30
Daily update at 5:45
Physical Training 6:15-7:30
Hygeine and breakfast 7:30-8:30 (usually in the office)
Start work at 8:30
Working Lunch (in the office) 11:30-12:30
Catch up on email 12:30-1:00
Work 12:30-6:00

Total daily hours at work: 12.5 On a normal (or "short") day.

This doesn't count after-hours events, meetings, and the phone that NEVER STOPS. I love smart phone technology, but it's hard to be chained to the crackberry 24-7. And I have to have it on- if I turn it off, I get in trouble. Because here's the other thing...

Everything - and I do mean EVERYTHING - that happens or fails to happen is my fault.

Yeah, that deserves its own line. Here's what I mean. For the sake of argument, let's say I have 175 Soldiers under my command. These are all grown people, 18+, who are legal voters and oh, by the way, have volunteered to serve and possibly die for their country. So let's say that one of these "adults" goes out at 2:00 am and gets drunk, then gets in a car and drives somewhere, and gets arrested. This is my fault.

Let's make it more interesting. Say this guy goes out at 2:00 am and doesn't get drunk, but in fact volunteers to be the designated driver. Say one of his pals leaves an empty can of beer in the car, and the Soldier gets stopped at the gate, and the MPs find an empty in the designated driver's car. The Soldier gets a ticket. This too is my fault.

Say a Soldier gets too fat to be in the Army, and has to be discharged from service. This too is my fault.

To be fair, when the Soldiers do great things (and more often than not, they do) I get credit for that too. But no one remembers those. They only remember the guy who was snorting cocaine off of the body of a stripper while he was in the club, underage, and got arrested (this happened in one of my buddies' units).

But all these things are my fault. And I will get asked questions.
"CPT Galan, why did you allow your Soldier to drive drunk?"
"What did you do to ensure they wouldn't drive drunk?"
"Did you tell them not to drive drunk?"
"Why did you allow this Soldier to get fat?"
"CPT Galan, what's your plan to ensure that designated drivers are trained in the 'open container' statutes in the state of Texas?"

These are incidental things to the actual, legitimate operational requirements that I have. We conduct maintenance on all 132 pieces of rolling stock (wheeled vehicles) that I have, weekly. I have a minimum of four meetings per week that I must attend. Plus the myriad last-minute "hey you" missions that come down. I know, whine whine whine. But sometimes (and only sometimes) I feel like the weight of all this responsibility is crushing me. But because I love the Army, because I love Soldiers and being a Soldier, and because I feel deeply that all Soldiers are entitled to leadership that gives a crap, I carry on.

But then something like this happens:

I had a Soldier who worked for me while I was on staff, for about two years. He was a good Soldier and a smart kid; he really worked hard and learned quickly. When I took command, I stopped being his immediate boss and became his commander- which means, ironically, that I saw him less but was responsible for more of his life.

Well, this Soldier got into some personal drama when we came back from Kuwait. He started hanging out with the wrong guys, and finally got caught with THC in his system during a urinalysis (that's weed, for those of you who don't know). He forced my hand- I had to punish him. I took his rank, took his money, confined him to the base and gave him 45 days of additional duty (after the work day- basically, from 6:00 pm to 11:00 pm). I also gave him the option: he could take his lumps and try to learn from this, continue on in the Army and recover (which is completely possible given the right attitude and motivation) or he could get out of the Army. He chose the latter, despite my repeated attempts to keep him in. I understand redemption, and I understand making stupid mistakes, and I thought he was worth the effort. But this Soldier chose to leave military service, and so I sped him on his way.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I received a phone call saying that this guy was in the hospital, having almost bled out from self-inflicted slashes to his wrists. He tried to kill himself because he couldn't find a job, couldn't afford his bills, and had no place else to go. I also found out that all this guy used to do in his spare time was watch military programs and reminisce about the Army. Oh, and his mother blamed the unit- my unit, me- for ruining this guy's life, and driving him to attempt suicide.

The good news is, this guy is still alive. The doctors were able to save him, and he's got family around. Here's the problem, though. I feel like his mom is right. I know objectively that he made his own decisions. He chose to do drugs, he chose to leave the Army, and he chose to cut his wrists. But this was one of my Soldiers, for more than two years. I trained him, I taught him, I served him. And I discharged him from the Army. This too is my fault.

This is what comes of all that crushing responsibility. The thought that I am somehow to blame for this guy's terrible life choices, because he was my Soldier for a while. And while no one is blaming me for this, I still think about it. I struggle under the weight of all of the poor decisions of my subordinates, because I have been trained to feel that I am responsible for them.

Ultimately, I think this is what makes our military great, and what defines leadership in the military services. The thought that as a Soldier, I have someone who is invested in each one of my decisions, on duty or off, is really encouraging. It doesn't matter if they care because someone told them it's their job to care, or if they care because that's the kind of person they are- the bottom line is, I'm supported. Someone has my back, just like I've got the back of every one of those 175 knuckleheads I'm nominally in charge of. I'll happily provide marriage counseling, financial counseling, get drunken phone calls in the wee hours, work early, late, weekends, and everything in between so these Soldiers know that I've got their back, because I love what I do.

But sometimes it's pretty freaking hard.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

2009-09-17T09:21:00.002-06:00

You heard me.

The tall one is me, and the one who looks like a Panamanian General is my First Sergeant, 1SG Neumann. He is my right hand man, and keeps me out of trouble.

Me (the tall one again. Sometimes I think I work in Munchkinland). From left to right, not counting me, CPT Jeff Jaramillo (will be taking command in two weeks), MAJ Bill Dowling (the Battalion Executive Officer), CSM Evaristo Torres (the BN CSM) and 1LT Ginette Bocanegra (my XO.)

In case you're wondering, the little short coats that Dowling and Torres are wearing are called the Mess Dress uniform. They cost A TON and I'm not getting one until I'm a major.

(This was at the Association of the United States Army Bradley Leadership Awards Banquet. Or the Army Prom.)

Papi, what's a general?

2009-09-14T21:11:00.000-06:00

That's a general.

Where were you?

2009-09-14T19:42:00.007-06:00

Wow, just looked at this blog for the first time since, well, May. It's been a ri-freakin'-diculously busy several months, and I've been forced through sheer fatigue into this long hiatus. I think I've got a handle on my life now, so I will start updating again.

Today's entry is three days late- I had originally inteded to publish this on 11 September, but got lazy.

During September 11th, 2001, I was working in the Washington, D.C. area. I was attached to an agency called the Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) and was doing a joint (meaning multi-service: Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines) mission dealing with a couple of Latin American countries. There were about thirty of us, of which maybe five were Army personnel. We all lived in these really nice furnished apartments in the D.C. suburbs. Mine was two blocks off of the Ballston Metro station. I had already been in D.C. for ten days, and had settled into a routine.

Every morning, I would wake up, get dressed in my Class B uniform (slacks, shirt, name tag, medals, beret), and go downstairs. The van would pick me up, along with the other personnel assigned to the DIA for that day. We'd get to work at about 0700, get a bagel and Diet Coke, and start work no later than 0730.

The 11th was business as usual. I had just settled down to work, had my headphones on and was listening to Weezer. We worked on the 14th floor of an office tower complex called Crystal Towers, in Crystal City, VA (approximately one mile from the Pentagon, and maybe seven miles from D.C. proper). Anyway, there I was, Weezering it up, and all of a sudden, heads start popping up from cubicles. I took out my earphones to find out what was happening, and started hearing radio stations announce that a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers.

Since we were all intel nerds, we stopped what we were doing and went to the TV to watch CNN. That's when we saw the second plane hit. We were stunned- no one spoke. Finally, one of the Airmen said what we were all thinking.

"Holy Shit." (sorry, Mom).

We all started making phone calls to our respective headquarters- we knew it was a matter of time until we were recalled back to our units to prepare for war. That's when it happened.

An Air Force colonel came running in to our office. "Everyone evacuate the building- a plane just crashed into the Pentagon!"

Here's why I love the military. At this point, instead of devolving into panic, we all looked at our NCOIC for instruction.

"Get out of the office, walk down the stairs, and get outside."

Which we did. We got outside and saw all traffic at a complete standstill. We also saw, about a mile away, a column of thick, black smoke coming up from the Pentagon.

"The van will be here in an hour. Til then, no one leaves. Report to me if you need to use the bathroom or leave the immediate area for any reason."

We stood there for an hour, watching all the buildings on our block disgorge literally hundreds of military personnel, all in their Class B uniforms. Then we all stood there for another hour, watching each other watch the same unmoving cars.

Those few of us who were able to make cell phone calls contacted our loved ones. My Mom was at my apartment, visiting Jen.

"Mom, turn on the news. I'm ok, just wake up Jen."

"What?"

"Turn on the news, I'm ok, now wake up Jen."

"Oh my goodness, are you ok?"

(Facepalm.)

"Yes, I'm ok, now wake up Jen, please."

Once I finally told Jen I was ok and not to worry, I hung up. That was the last phone call I was able to make for two days.

Back on the street in Crystal City, we finally decided that the van wasn't coming. So we all started to walk home.

We walked past miles of stopped cars, past police and emergency responders, past National Guardsmen. We walked through two suburbs- eight total miles in plastic dress shoes and wool slacks. I know because I kept a 100-meter pace count and counted the kilometers all the way.

As we all walked home, we saw thousands of military servicemembers, all walking to their various suburbs. All I could think about was "holy crap, if they got us now, look at how many casualties they'd get."

By the time we made it back to our apartments, it was dark. We all congregated in one apartment and watched the news. No one wanted to be alone. Later, we all went back to our individual places and went to bed.

That's my story. I was at a 9-11 rememberance cremony on Friday, and someone asked those of us who were personally affected by 9-11 to raise our hands. My First Sergeant looked at me and said "I spent three and a half freaking years of my life in the Middle East. How's that?"

Personally, I hate 9-11 rememberances. I know it was horrible- I was there (kind of). I remember the feeling of helplessness and anger, and the urge to retaliate. I remember the resolve we all had that this would never happen again. I imagine people felt the same way on December 8th, 1942.

But I for one would just like to get on with it. Let's remember that it happened, not with a schmaltzy funeral every year, but with decisive action, with determination, with substantive fixes for the systemic problems that led to the attacks. Remember 9-11, but keep it to yourself.

Big News

2009-05-27T22:05:00.003-06:00

Big news, everyone. I was offered a Battery Command. For those of you not in the military, I will explain: The main goal of every Captain in the Army is to be a Company/Battery/Troop commander. Unfortunately, for officers in my career field, those opportunities are fewer and farther between because of the way the Army has been restructured. Couple that with the fact that command is a privilege and and honor, and you get a glimpse of why this is big news for me.

As part of my incipient command, I have written a draft of a command philosophy. There is a lot of stuff I could have put in it, but I was trying to keep it to under a page and a half. I am going to reprint it here, with the caveat that this is a first draft.

Oh, also, the battery call sign is "Hardcore," so don't be confused by that.

Here goes.

1. Our mission is to provide outstanding, professional support to the line batteries of 2-43 ADA BN. While the other units conduct air defense operations, we provide the critical unified command and control necessary to accomplish the battalion’s missions. Hardcore Soldiers are a team, and our job is to support the battalion’s missions in peace and war. Our attitude must always be “The answer is ‘yes,’ now what is the question?” We will take pride in our ability to sustain the combat capability of our fellow Warriors no matter what conditions, no matter what time, no matter what day

2. Hardcore Soldiers are motivated. Hardcore Soldiers are treated with dignity and respect, and Hardcore leaders constantly demonstrate real concern for Soldiers. This does not mean pampering Soldiers, but ensuring they are always trained, informed, personal problems are addressed promptly, awards are timely and punishment is exacted swiftly when needed.

3. Hardcore Soldiers are professionals. They are disciplined, motivated, and proficient in their MOS. The nature of the HHB mission requires a high degree of personal responsibility on the part of all Soldiers, particularly in staff sections. Soldiers and junior leaders must step up and take individual responsibility in their work. This means that more senior leaders must empower their subordinates and allow them opportunities to excel.

4. Non-Commissioned Officers are the backbone of the Army and of our unit. Platoon, Staff, and section NCOICs are the center of gravity around which all battery operations revolve. I will treat you with the respect you deserve- ensure you earn it. Leaders will set the example at all times. Good leadership provides purpose, direction, motivation, and will spark esprit in a unit. I expect leaders to lead their soldiers, care for them by holding them to high standards and preparing them for combat. Developing young Soldiers and junior leaders for increased responsibility is a priority in all our training. Depth is provided in our ranks through delegation with supervision, as our primary method of leader development. I expect all NCOs to know and live by the Creed of the Non-Commissioned Officer, to ensure that they are the standard-bearers of professionalism and to provide the outstanding leadership that all Soldiers deserve.

5. Hardcore Soldiers and their Families are the core of our unit. The Army frequently demands much of our time and effort, so we as leaders must ensure that we safeguard Family time for our Soldiers. I believe in a strong, involved FRG and will work to ensure that Families are informed and involved in unit activities.

6. The Army is not a zero-defect organization. We will all make mistakes- it is how we react to those mistakes that will determine our success as individuals and as a unit. I will do my best to take care of Soldiers who make honest mistakes. I do have some zero-tolerance areas, however: Drug or alcohol-related incidents, domestic violence, adultery, equal opportunity/sexual harassment or violence against another Soldier will be prosecuted with all the resources available to me.

7. HARDCORE!

I'm home

2009-04-21T09:09:00.007-06:00

Long time since I posted, just thought I'd give an update.

First and foremost, I'm home. Long trip, much drama, but the bottom line is, I'm home.

Second, I am (finally) leaving the unit I've been in since 2004. Kinda conflicted... wait, no, not really. It's time to go. Not that the unit hasn't been good to me- I've learned a lot and had some pretty neat opportunities. But it's time to go. (I'm only going up the road right now. It's a conscious choice so I don't have to immediately try to sell my house).

Speaking of leaving... the Army has a tradition called the "Hail and Farewell." It's a party that is designed to welcome (hail) the new officers and senior noncoms and farewell the outgoing ones. Now that you know the concept, let me say this clearly so you'll all understand.

Most.
Awkward.
Party.
Ever.

Imagine, if you will, a unit that has been together for 24 months. Fifteen of those deployed. Throw in a bit of resentment from one half of the unit towards the other, as the battalion was split in two and one half was in a decidedly better place than the other. Add in some disgruntlement over evaluations/awards, etc. Sprinkle on there the fact that, when we came home, we only got ONE DAY OFF before having to come back to work. Throw in a bunch of spouses who are forced to spend one of their first, awkward days with their Soldier partying with people they neither know nor like very well.

Shaping up really well, huh?

Now add copious amounts of alcohol, shake it up, and then give people a microphone and an open forum.

Wow.

In case you're wondering, what you get is basically lots of people hiding how they really feel in efforts to be politic, with one or two throwing truth bombs in there because they have nothing to lose. Also, elements of the command group trying to publicly humiliate people and making mean-spirited jokes. And then you get a bunch of awkward silences, punctuated by frantic guzzling of drinks.

No lie. Kind of horrifying, really.

What's really horrifying is that the powers that be are going to call that party a success, and an example of team-building and esprit-de-corps (that's French for "corpse spit").

Now, as horrible as mandatory social functions can be, they can also be done really well. I have personally been to several really good Hails and Farewells (ones that the wife didn't hate), where the event was well planned, the MCs had personality and charm, everyone was a good sport, and the alcohol just made everyone silly. Also, it's awesome to watch my friends humilitate themselves and then not remember it the next day. I love bringing back those memories, particularly in front of large groups of people.

Oh well. As I see it, that's one more hurdle behind me on my way to my next assignment. Hopefully I will update at least one more time between now and then. Here's what's on the agenda:

Block Leave. Disneyland. Family. Birthday. Road Trip(s).

Good times, good times.

A New Feature

2009-03-21T04:13:00.004-06:00

This marks what will be the beginning of a new, randomly updated feature on this blog:

Staff Officer Stick Figure Theatre!! (you have to imagine the echo sound effect).

I know that not all staff experiences are like this, but I've received enough feedback already to know that this little comic has struck a nerve among some people.

Without further ado:

(I'm not saying that I did this during a meeting or anything... but it took about 20 minutes that would otherwise have been wasted).

I think Army got it right this time...

2009-03-03T04:28:00.003-07:00

A couple of days ago, we were all forced to watch a multi-media, choose-your-own-adventure production made by the Army called "Beyond the Front." It details the (mis)adventures of either a Soldier or his NCO, and you make choices based on how you feel and what you want the person to do. At the end, either they kill themselves, or they don't, and we all learn a valuable lesson. It's a Very Special Afternoon of Training.

This video and associated mandatory training are part of the Army's response to record-high suicide rates. 2008 saw at least 128 Soldiers take their own lives, with more possible as investigations conclude. This is the highest rate of suicide since the Army began keeping records in 1980.

What surprises me is not the Army's predictable response (the pattern is usually Action --> reaction by Dept of the Army (DA) --> Overreaction by subordinate commands --> mandatory training in which we are yelled at for thinking about whatever the "action" was) but rather the fact that the training and video were... good.

Actually good.

And here's the litmus test for that: when, among the jokes and derision, you can hear more than one person say "No, man, I remember this one kid in my unit..."

Yeah, it was corny in the way that only choose-your-own-adventure stories are. But it actually used relevant scenarios with halfway decent performances, contemporary language (by which I mean the actor cursed when in a firefight or when his fiancee left him), and presented decisions that any of us would make under the circumstances. It was good enough that Soldiers participated and only one problem child fell asleep, and the tools that the video presented to deal with stressful/painful situations were appropriate to Soldiers and the culture of the Army. There was no "make a relaxing collage;" rather, they talked about talking to the Chaplain or the chain of command. All in all, not bad.

All of this dovetails with some other thoughts I've been having lately, regarding stress and stress management. Maybe you follow La Yen's blog where she has been talking about her "issues" (and by "issues" I mean "Shaking like Don Knotts"). Well, that's a stressor to me. There are other things- having to move out of comfy billets and into dusty tents, dealing with the sheer exhaustion of having been here more than a year, the stress of having to train someone else to do your job before you leave... All these things serve to make life difficult. And I've been wondering what tools we have available to deal with that. So here are my thoughts.

- Spirituality. This is a non-denominational post here. Whatever your religious persuasion is, whether you're Catholic, Lutheran, Mormon (word!), Baptist, Wiccan, Zoroastrian, Olmec Sun-Worshipper, or part of the Dalek Cult of Skaro, your faith can be a great comfort to you. So one of the tools I recommend, as I have been using it lately, is to do what you can to draw closer to the Higher Power of your choice. It helps.

(A note here about Army Chaplains. I gotta say, I'm not a big fan. I have had some bad experiences with chaplains before - one told me I was going to Hell for being Mormon. No lie. I've had good chaplains too, don't get me wrong. But I always feel like they're overwhelmed and don't have the time to devote to helping ME out. And that whatever time I spend with a chaplain is time that he/she should be spending with Soldiers instead. So see a chaplain if you need to- I won't be in line with you, so you can take my spot).

- Your peers. Everyone needs someone to whine at. Professionally speaking, it's terribly bad form to whine at your Soldiers. After all, they're doing the same things you're doing, because you told them to. So if you whine about your mission, then the Soldiers inevitably start wondering why they're doing what they're doing, and it's a downward spiral from there. But you should have some peers somewhere, who are a little bit removed from your exact circumstance and to whom you can moan and complain and get things off your chest. It's a good catharsis, which I recommend.

- Friends and family with military experience. Face it, there are a lot of things we're asked to do in the military that don't make a lick of sense. When we complain about those things to our civilian support system, we (or at least I) often get a lot of confused looks. So it helps to have someone you can complain to who has at least experienced your angst before, and knows whereof you speak. Now, this can sometimes bite you in the butt, because you have to consider why the ex-military people in your life left the service. You might not get a lot of sympathy from someone who left because of the stupidity inherent in the system (help! I'm being repressed)- they might just tell you to leave or stop complaining. So you have to be careful.

- Supervisors. This is a tricky one. Obviously, it's not politic to complain to your boss about your boss. But you can (carefully) complain about circumstances or poor decisions that affect both of you. It's always hard, though, because you have to temper your complaints. You don't want to be perceived as a whiner, and you don't want to be seen as an incompetent who needs help to solve problems. On the plus side, these guys have a lot of experience (usually) so they may have experienced the problems that you're going through and might be able to help you.

- Trusted subordinates. This is a tricky one too, since as we've already established, it's unprofessional to whine to your Soldiers. But if you and a subordinate work well and often together, you often develop a closeness that provides a certain amount of latitude in the professional relationship. Sometimes you have to be careful with this one, too, because your subordinates have peers who they complain to, and your business might be on the agenda. It's a calculated risk.

These are all things I've tried in attempts to clear my mind or sound things out. I generally use other outlets, like talking to my family or writing (duh), but if I absolutely have to vent, I use one of these. They help me deal with the stresses that I have accumulated over the past 14 months, and keep me from either killing someone or locking myself in my wall locker.

Or you could take my Tio Manny's approach: "My advice to you? Drink heavily."

UPDATE!!!

So after talking to SPC Film School about this, he mentioned that he liked what I was saying, but the whole thing kind of fell apart at the end. Then he started talking about what he wanted, and I was stricken with a couple of other thoughts. So here goes.

As leaders, we are responsible for the morale of our subordinates. Telling someone to "get over it" or "suck it up," although sometimes valid and useful, is not always the answer. We as leaders need to PROVIDE outlets (like those above) for our Soldiers to use. They are the ones who are making the mission happen- they're the ones we owe our successes to, so we owe them an opportunity to vent.

More than that, though, Soldiers want to see involved leadership. They want to be asked "what's wrong" or "are you ok?" They also [gasp] might benefit from knowing that their leaderhsip is having troubles, or is suffering through the same suckfest they are, but haven't quit and are continuing on with the mission. That's inspirational. That's motivating.

Let's face it, sometimes, things just suck, for everyone. It's how we as leaders react to that determines the morale of the unit. And you know what? Helping a subordinate talk over their issues, even if I don't discuss what's bothering me at all, helps me. There is peace in service, and in knowing that you've helped someone out, even for five minutes. So be involved, be sympathetic, be caring, but above all, be there for your troops.

That's all I've got. Thanks.

Checklist Leaders

2009-01-06T03:00:00.004-07:00

Look, this is a rant, so be warned.

Also, this is non-attributional. If I work with you, don't think I'm pointing fingers. But if the shoe fits, then choke on it and die, because you're a horrible human.

OK. Checklist Leaders.

Thanks to my buddy Cap'n Sam for that one. It's a great phrase, referring to the guy who once read a book on leadership and made a checklist on "what leaders do" which he will break out once in a while as justification and self-gratification.

Item one: Greet Soldier. Hmm, ok. "Hello, [Soldier]. "
Item two: Ask ref: family. "How is your [Wife/Husband/Father/Mother]?"
Item three: Pick a franchise of a popular sport, and make that "your" team. Pick one per season. Ask Soldier about his/her team. "How about that [local sports franchise]?"

And that, these people think, makes folks a good leader. They've gone down the checklist, met the objectives, and then go home at night, regardless of their crappy decisions or utter selfishness, and can say, "I'm a good leader. Look at this checklist!"

To which I say, bull. BULL. Because yeah, good leaders are interested in their subordinates. But good leaders also make realistic plans, good leaders give credit publicly and blame privately, and good leaders are in it for more than themselves.

--REDACTED IN DEFENSE OF MY CAREER--

I'm not an idiot. I know that commanders ultimately will take credit for their unit's successes. Good commanders, however, subscribe to a philosophy that goes, "When it's bad it's me, when it's good it's us, and when it's really good it's you." And then they will also take blame for their unit's failures, because they realize that they are ultimately responsible for everything that happens or fails to happen in their unit.

But going by the checklist, I'm sure there are a lot of good commanders out there . He commanded a unit, check, where he gave some awards and promotions, check, and talked to Soldiers. Check.

BS. Check.

What happened to "Soldiers First?" What happened to earning loyalty instead of demanding it based on rank?

In an address to the US Corps of Cadets in 1879, MG John Schofield said, "He who feels the respect which is due to others cannot fail to inspire in them regard for himself, while he who feels, and hence manifests, disrespect toward others, especially his inferiors, cannot fail to inspire hatred against himself."

In other words, treat people how you expect to be treated. If you're a princess who demands respect based on position and doesn't earn it based on any kind of ability, don't be surprised when (1) your Soldiers don't respect you, and (2) you foster a command climate wherin your subordinate leaders act the same way as you, don't respect you, and don't have the respect of their own subordinates.

Then you raise selfish leaders, checklist leaders who can take their checklists and fool the Army educational system into thinking they're worthwhile because they can show all the blocks they've checked. It's a vicious circle.

The only way to fight it is, first, don't be a checklist leader. If you're the type of person who can't fathom actually learning something about your subordinates and being sincere, then do me and your Soldiers a favor and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE ARMY. Thank you for your service, but we don't need you.

And if you see that kind of crap going on around you, for heaven's sake, speak up. Force your junior leaders to be engaged-- empower them to make decisions and hold them accountable.

And seriously, if you can't, maybe the military is not for you. Maybe you should go be a budget analyst or a systems engineer or whatever else you want to be, as long as it doesn't involve leading and training Soldiers. GET OUT. Soldiers deserve better than you.

The greatest story ever told

2009-01-06T01:33:00.002-07:00

Happy New Year and stuff.

Getting ready to get the hell up out of here in something like three months, and I am extremely happy about the fact.

But not as happy as I am about the following headline:

Little Blue Pills Among The Ways CIA Wins Friends in Afghanistan

(see the story here)

Seems that the CIA is distributing Viagra to aged Afghan tribal chiefs in an attempt to, um... raise support for US efforts in the area.

Seems it's hard to operate when people don't trust you.

I'm done now.

But seriously. Awesome.

Humbug

2008-12-16T06:16:00.003-07:00

Santa has run into some trouble.....

So the Army is issuing us a new solution. Enter SANTRON.

We demand gifts.

Humbug.

The weirdest thing so far...

2008-11-16T05:56:00.002-07:00

OK, this is possibly the most surreal moment I have had in my 11 years in this man's Army.

I was en route to a meeting today with the Local National Air Force so we could do some planning for a major exercise we are going to do together (which I wish I could tell you about, because it's pretty cool. But you'll have to trust me). And it's me, my boss (a Major) and another American Captain in the car with a Local National First Lieutenant on the way from the Local National base to the Local National Air Force HQ. And my boss asks, "What kind of music do you have on your iPod, Lieutenant?"

And this leads to all four of us, three Americans and a Local National, riding in the Local National's SUV.

Singing Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler."

Loudly.

Badly.

With backup vocals.

?

Happy Veteran's Day

2008-11-16T05:54:00.003-07:00

[blush]

This is me, having forgotten all about Veteran's Day. This despite the big signs in the DFAC (dining facility) and the Veteran's Day cake, and my wife wishing me a happy Veteran's Day.

I am pathetic.

Support our Troops.

OK, the election is over. Now I can blog again.

2008-11-06T00:12:00.004-07:00

I have been deliberately avoiding this blog (as opposed to my other blog, which I have been avoiding because I'm frankly lazy) because of the pre-election frenzy. And let me tell you how I feel about that:

"F" That.

If you are passionate about an issue because you've researched it and feel that your stance, your educated opinion is right, more power to you. If, however (and I think this is the case with the majority of the fwd emails I receive or nonsense I hear) you are passing on what basically amounts to hot, soupy garbage because someone you know got it from someone they know and it's all about how so and so is a terrorist because of what his parents named him or so and so is racist because he happened to be born white, then do us all a favor and SHUT UP. Because, either way (and this is important, so pay attention),

I.

Don't.

Care.

I am not interested in your nonsense. I will pay attention to well-thought-out arguments that are not sensationalist. I will not, however, listen to or entertain anything that I will find on snopes.com. Or on Fox News.

But that's beside the point, because now we're done. Do you hear me? DONE. Whether you won or lost, Obama is the President-elect. Whether you voted or not (and I did, by the way), it's OVER.

If you supported McCain, you get 48 hours to piss and moan. For 48 hours, I will read your emails or have the conversations with you. After that, I will get back to supporting and defending the Constitution of the United States, and supporting my Commander in Chief.

If you supported Obama, you get 48 hours to celebrate. I will also read your emails and have the conversations with you, too. And after that, I am going to get back to work (see above). And when he gets sworn in, I will continue.

Now that the dust has settled, I really hope that all the people out there on the interwebs who were so excited about forwarding messages for one side or the other will take all that energy and use it for something substantial. If you feel strongly enough about an issue to espouse someone else's poorly researched opinion on it, you should take the time to look it up yourself. And if you still agree with it after that, then do something other than forwarding that opinion on. Start a petition, lobby your local or state rep, something. You know, exercise your rights as a citizen. But for the love, let's move on with our lives now. I've got work to do.

Local Cuisine

2008-10-15T05:26:00.003-06:00

So I've been super busy, and haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry, as I know how deeply you all have come to depend on me. I just thought it would be good to take a little break, to get some work done, and stop enabling your codependency.

I've been doing a lot of work with our host nation military. You know, coordinating, liaison, stuff like that. Part of that, of course, is spending a lot of time with these people, and eating in their dining facilities. And I've noticed something: their people eat a lot better than ours do.

Take today's lunch, for instance. Lamb, curried chicken, rice, and soup. Served to us with fresh fruit and a cute little can of Pepsi. Also a can of Mirinda Orange. What were the guys on Camp Slappy eating? Probably some kind of overcooked pork or chicken, or the standard strange-tasting cheeseburger, or something like that.

Now, this may have been because we were eating in the Officers and NCOs Mess. I can't say. All I can say is that the food was really good, the service was great, and the Soldiers I took in there with me really enjoyed it. And I'm wondering- with as much money as we pay the companies with whom we contract our support services (food, bathroom maintenance, etc), why is it that our food sucks (There are good meals, by the way, but by and large it's worse than the food at any given college dorm cafeteria)? Why are all the latrines filled with mold and falling apart?

I know it could be worse. I've done my share of "business" by digging a hole in the woods. I have also had to eat MREs three times a day for more days in a row than I care to count. But I'm just saying.

Captain Evil

2008-09-19T07:32:00.004-06:00

So the other day I had a Soldier come by and ask if we could make him a crossover cable. All my geeks were busy and I was only ~~surfing the internet~~ ~~staring blankly into space~~ updating slides, so I said I would do it. So I got out the cable, found the RJ-45 ends, got my strippers (WIRE strippers, people. This would be a way better deployment if it were the other kind) and crimpers and started to make the cable. I realized it had been like two years since I had to make a cable, so I googled the order of the wires for a crossover cable, and then I made it. Five minute job, no biggie, right?

So why did my geeks look at me like I had another head growing out of my armpit? Am I that far removed from actual work?

As punishment for their insolence, I had them all placed in burlap bags and beaten with reeds.

Toxic Leadership

2008-08-17T01:29:00.005-06:00

As promised, a discussion on toxic leadership. I am getting a lot of this information first- and second-hand (sadly) but have derived some terms and concepts from these people.

So first, we need to define terms here. What exactly do I mean when I say someone is a toxic leader? COL Denise Williams writes, "Toxic leaders can be characterized as leaders who take part in destructive behaviors and show signs of dysfunctional personal characteristics." She further goes on to say that a toxic leader is one who causes serious and enduring damage on their subordinates and organizations. I think this is a pretty good definition, so we'll go with this. Now the questions get a little harder. What makes a toxic leader? Why do we put up with them? And what do we do once we've found one?

Toxic leaders are an interesting breed. Sometimes you can tell right off, like when the officer in charge jumps up and down, smashing furniture while cussing like a pirate in front of everyone in the area about incompetent subordinates. But other times, you don't know until (tragically) much too late that your boss has been busily taking credit for your ideas, and blaming you for his failures. COL George E. Reed, in an article from the July-August 2004 Military Review magazine, says that the three key elements of the toxic leader are an apparent lack of concern for the well-being of subordinates, a personality or interpersonal technique that negatively affects organizational climate (see above re: cussing like a pirate), and a conviction by their subordinates that the leader is motivated primarily by self-interest.

Sometimes, as stated earlier, you can't tell until it's almost too late. But you should start assessing your area, looking at the morale and general feeling among your seniors, peers, and subordinates, and see if any of the three elements above look familiar. PLEASE DON'T confuse Soldiers (employees) tired of hard work with Soldiers tired of abuse. We all get cranky when there's a lot going on and it's nonstop.

So say you find that someone in your chain of command is, in fact, a toxic leader. Why and how did they get to where they are? Well, the first sad fact is that while leaders are born, leadership styles are made. So someone taught your T.L. everything they know. Frightening, eh? Hints toward vicous circles and futility and all that. The second sad fact, and this particularly applies to the military, is that most of the time we are so mission-focused that we don't particularly care how something gets done, as long as it gets done. It's as if Pharoah told us, "Build me some pyramids out there in the desert" and came back later to say, "Wow, those are neat!" without thinking about the millions of man-hours, the whips, the dead slaves, etc. And we're conditioned to "suck it up and drive on." No one wants a whiner, and we often forget as military leaders that there is a difference between whining and a legitimate gripe. So when your T.L. is screaming at you and threatening your career unless you get his mission accomplished, you will just take it and execute. And unless your T.L.'s boss is within earshot, all the big boss will see is that the mission got accomplished, and that T.L. got it done. So old T.L. gets rewarded, and the pyramid gets built on the backs of the slaves.

So what do we do? We all know T.L., I guarantee you can point to one in your organization without too much thought. How do we keep them from succeeding? How do we keep from perpetuating the vicous cycle? And how do we keep from becoming one?

The army uses various command climate assessment tools to measure these kinds of things, with varying degrees of efficacy. But the main thing is that we have to notice what's going on around us. We have to be aware that T.L. is getting up to his old tricks, and we have to make sure that our peers and subordinates are aware of them too. This way, we can mitigate the effects. As leaders, we have to be involved; we can't sit in our office (or ivory tower, or Fortress of Solitude) and ignore what's going on in our organization until it's too late. And the bottom line, after we've noticed the behavior and seen what's going on, is that we have to make a stand. If you're a leader, you must refuse to accept T.L.'s behavior in your organization. If you're a peer, you have to let T.L know. You may even have to go to the boss and let the Man know. And if you're a subordinate, you have to make sure that the Man knows. If you can't or won't go directly, use alternate means. Find a peer of T.L.'s, use your Chaplain, but you have to make sure the boss is aware.

If you think you might be a T.L., well, the first step is admitting you have a problem. There are a lot of books on leadership out there. But if you're in the Army, I will refer you to the seven Army Values and Field Manual 6-22 (Army Leadership). Both of those are good guides. But you have to make a change. Think of the slaves.

Command Climate

2008-07-20T02:22:00.004-06:00

This is another installment in a multiple-part series on leadership and command climate. I am still putting together notes for future posts, so be patient.

--Break--

Heard an interesting statement in a discussion with BG Robert Woods. He said that a successful command climate is the difference between a Soldier having to say hello to you and a Soldier wanting to say hello to you.

I thought that was fairly profound. We all know that military customs and courtesies require rendering the greeting of the day. But how many times have you crossed the street or stayed in your office to avoid having to interact with someone you just don't respect as a person (regardless of their rank)? And how many times have you changed course to meet them?

The other question is, how many times have you been avoided or greeted deliberately by a peer or subordinate?

In the interests of full disclosure, I should mention that I am not in command right now, and have never been a company commander. I have been a section sergeant, a squad leader, a shop NCOIC, a platoon leader, Battery XO, and now the battalion S6. I've served in many units, though, and seen a lot of command climates. I fully understand that command climate isn't about being a nice guy, or being everyone's friend, or giving Soldiers time off. I try to live the "mission first" ethic. My Soldiers and I often work long hours- especially deployed, but 14 hour days are not rare in garrison.

I would submit to you that working long hours to get the mission accomplished is not an indication of a poor command climate. Rather, how your Soldiers feel about the work, their dedication and buy-in to the mission, and their knowledge of the importance of their role in it tell that story (this is assuming that you're managing your time and delegating effectively- which is a whole 'nother thang).

What are you doing to motivate your Soldiers? Do they work for you out of a fear of repercussion or out of respect for you? Do they trust that you are tactically and technically proficient, that you know the mission and your unit's role in it? Do they feel that you are actively protecting their interests and placing their needs above your own? Do you praise in public and punish in private? Do you conduct frequent counselings, either formal or informal, to let those around you know where they stand?

Or are you working for that coveted "top block" OER? Are you surrounded by things of which you have a limited or no understanding and taking the nervousness that inspires out on your subordinates? Is your counseling method "louder is better?" Do your subordinates live in fear? Are your peers and subordinates embarrassed of you and embarrassed to be seen or associated with you?

The leaders I've had (at multiple levels- company, battalion, and brigade) that have fostered what I feel are good command climates have asked those questions. They have had the ability to self-assess, and do it frequently. They seek after and value input, whether complimentary or critical.

I believe in Army leadership doctrine. I think it's effective when applied correctly by someone who is living the Army values. And call me naive, but I think the majority of Army leaders are doing just that. But the significant minority who aren't are poisoning units and teaching Soldiers (read: future leaders) destructive habits. So take a minute to reflect, and ask yourself those questions. Hopefully you answer honestly, and you're not surprised at the answers.

That's all for today. We'll get into what you can do to foster good command climates (whether you're in command or not) and how you can fight against a bad one later on.

The blogs have split

2008-07-19T04:19:00.003-06:00

I have started a new blog.

Yes, it's true. I have decided that this blog will be about all things military in my life- leadership, the Army, this deployment, etc. My other blog will be about my family, and other random things.

Find it here http://silly-buggers.blogspot.com

I will keep it as updated as I can.

Army Medicine

2008-07-08T04:57:00.004-06:00

OK, so I went to the clinic today to get another anthrax booster. No biggie, just another shot. So I go in, fill out the paperwork, take off my uniform jacket, roll up my sleeve, and get stuck. Then, as the tech is pulling the needle out of my arm, she must have apparently had the plunger pressed down, because ANTHRAX SPRAYED ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!

Including in my eye.

True story.

I'm back

2008-07-04T02:29:00.005-06:00

So just came off of my R & R leave (18 wonderful days with wife and family) to this:

Yeah, that's the sun. That's a morning shot, so as you can see, kinda dusty. And I'm a little tired.

But on the upside, I had a great time at home. We went to Disney World, which Gigi loved (so did Jen and I), we got to see great friends, and Gigi got a "Cinnerenna Bed" (translation: Cinderella bed). No more crib.

If you're planning to take a trip, check out www.zonder.com We got a great condo for cheap. The only way to travel.

More updates later (after I get some rest!)

And Happy Birthday, America!

If not you, then who?

2008-05-23T08:19:00.003-06:00

It's one of my favorite sayings. "If not you, then who? If not now, then when?"

The quote is by a first-century Jewish scholar named Hillel, and it's equally applicable now as then. I love it, because it sums up how I have tried to look at my life, and it has served me very well. Let's break it down, shall we?

"If not you, then who?" Let's face it, someone has to step up. We're often faced with incompetent peers, unmotivated, unknowledgeable leaders, and subordinates who are a result of that environment (they are incompetent and unmotivated, primarily through lack of training and emphasis). And we also meet the "seagull leaders." You know, the ones who fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, and fly out again with no contribution (other than a pile of crap). Someone has to fill that leadership void. Let that someone be you. Like Patton said, "A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week." A good leader, willing to take charge and make progress now, is better than a great leader further on down the road. And who knows? You might just be that great leader.

I've often found that, even if you're faced with a situation you aren't all that familiar with, someone in your organization knows the process and the techniques, and is just waiting for a leader to get them going. To provide them with the three hallmarks of good leadership: Purpose, Direction, and Motivation.

So step up. Get in there and take charge. Yeah, it's probably more work for you, and if you're like me, then you're a lazy sack. But waiting won't help, and will probably make things worse. Which leads me to my next point....

"If not now, then when?" Problems, like fish, do not smell better with age. Waiting will not make it go away, and will not improve your lot. So if you're going to be that guy (or girl), then you need to be that guy right now or risk having things spiral completely out of control and be unrecoverable.

The cool thing is that this part of the quotation is completely dependent upon the first half. You have to be willing to step up, to assume the difficult role of the leader, and to take responsibility for successes and failures. And you have to do it NOW, on the spot, because waiting for conditions to improve isn't going to help anything. Systems tend towards entropy, whether we're talking about collections of atoms or people. And unless you are willing to impose order on the chaos, right now, you're not a useful leader.

Men's Health magazine did an article on heroes. I don't have time to find the link right now, but you should look it up, because it's really good. And the bottom line for these guys (the heroes) is that they're "ordinary" people in their own minds, who saw a problem and figured something had to be done now, so why not just do it?

OK, so on to practial applications. For me, (duh) it comes down to the Army again. They tell us as privates not to volunteer for anything. To be middle-of-the-road, and to avoid notice. If we do that, we hear, we'll be successful. Hooey, I say. If everyone's middle-of-the-road, then who's in charge? Who do we follow? I have volunteered for a lot of stuff in my Army career (I'm sure Jen can give you a rundown, and then she'll kill me for reminding her), and every time, I come out ahead. Yeah, it means more work. Yeah, it's long hours and not a lot of reward (other than more work). But the mission gets accomplished and the Soldiers get taken care of, and I end up a better Soldier, more knowledgeable, and more able to handle situations in the future. In short, I become a better leader.

It works in non-Army situations, too. Who is going to mow my lawn? Is someone going to come around and do it for me? What about paying my bills? Unless I win the McDonald's Monopoly game, no one is going to hand me money.

What about helping out the lady in the ward who can't switch over her swamp cooler by herself? Or landscaping the yard of the woman whose husband is deployed and needs it done so she can take in some foster kids?

We, the leaders, have to step up. We have to step up now, and get these things done. Because no one else will, and no one can do it as well as we can.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-12T07:49:00.003-06:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers I know. This is for you all:

But especially for my wife. You're the greatest mother I know, and I love you.

And for my mom. You're the best mom I've ever had.

And for my mother(s) in law. You both rock.

And for everyone else. Because, let's face it. I probably won't call, or email, or anything like that. But you're on my mind.

Happy Mother's Day.

W Out.

My Peeps

2008-05-10T06:41:00.004-06:00

So, I got to thinking about my recent posts, and I realized that I haven't paid any attention to the people that are making me so successful. So here it is, a post dedicated to my Soldiers.

Actually, these are only half of my peeps. The other half are in another country, working for me down there. I will give them credits at the end of the post.

So without further ado...

From left to right, PFC Noonan, PFC Sinclair, SSG Etienne, SGT Severson, PFC Chapman.

Sinclair, Severson, Etienne, Noonan.
What a bunch of clowns.

There's one missing, who was on night shift. He's SPC Gonzalez.

I can definitively say, these guys are the hardest working Soldiers in the battalion. Mostly because I'm mean and give them a lot of work to do. But also because they manage the day-to-day functions of my network. These guys can do it all- radios, computers, satellite communications, and still do PT in the morning, go to the gym at night, and clown around the rest of the time.

And here's why I love the Army- I have a huge mix of people. I have Soldiers from the east coast, the South, and Texas. Suburbs, country, and city folk. Folks on their first deployment, and folks on their fourth. And all of them are committed to being successful, to bettering themselves, and to accomplishing the mission. I don't have a single discipline problem, because they take care of each other. My NCOs (Staff Sergeant Etienne, Sergeant Severson) are committed to taking care of the Soldiers, to looking out for each other, and taking care of me.

And my guys down south are no different. I have a Lieutenant, a Sergeant First Class, two Sergeants, and two Soldiers (LT Gonzalez - another one, SFC Morton, SGT Ohlson, SGT Williams, SPC Stevenson, and SPC Hornschuch). They are all making great things happen, and taking care of each other.

And the coolest thing is that these guys don't think of themselves as extraordinary. No, according to them they're just doing their jobs, doing what leaders do. And that's the beauty of the Army. People say it's changing, and they're probably right, but what I see is that leaders who are empowered will take care of their troops, make great things happen for the Soldiers, themselves, and the mission, and when they eventually get out, they're going to be successful.

Those are my peeps, and the reason I'm staying in the Army. Wherever I go, I'm going to meet people like this.

PS -I will post pics of my other guys as soon as I get some. I am an equal opportunity employer

A Letter to Microsoft

2008-04-26T06:25:00.003-06:00

Dear Microsoft,

Hi. My name is Waldo, and I'm a frequent user of your products. I know sometimes you get a bad rap, what with your domination of the marketplace and vastly over-hyped and underperforming OS. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about your Office Suite 2003, and particularly, Powerpoint.

Let me tell you, I know something about Powerpoint. I have spent the last 10 days creating, collating, formatting, animating, and in general, owning slides. I've edited, re-edited, and then changed the edits, causing the whole process to start over again. And I've come to this conclusion:

Powerpoint will eat your soul.

Powerpoint is like some giant black hole of happiness and job satisfaction. I don't know why you would make something like that, unless it's that you need souls to power your MSN stuff because Google is "pwning" you left and right. That seems to be the only explanation, because I can say without a doubt, I have less soul now than I did when I started using Powerpoint. And although I wholeheartedly support our capitalist system, I don't think that having your applications suck up souls to feed Bill Gates' Nosferatu-esque appetite is all that ethical.

Also, since we're here, why would you make another edition, and then force me to get a text converter, and then not allow me to edit effectively? Office 2007 looks flashy and great, but if I'm using 2003, I can't really do anything with the 2007 stuff, now, can I? And why in the name of all that's holy would you comPLETEly change the menus? Why?

Maybe it's a way to make me lose my soul faster. I don't know. But I do know this-- my soul isn't doing you much good. You can't be getting quality souls out of people using your product, because they're all so bitter and angry.

A great thing to do, if you want my opinion, would be to give all the souls back, and instead suck up every slideshow with fancy graphics and animation, and make everything else look like butcher-board or overhead projector slides. You know, black and white, pen or marker, and NO ANIMATION.

That's just me, though.

Yours,

W.

May all your wishes come true...

2008-04-01T00:44:00.002-06:00

Today we're talking about goals.

"But Waldo," you say, "the title references wishes."

"Shut up and let me finish," I say.

Wishes are great. Wishes are what we think about doing or becoming, or sometimes they're little vindictive thoughts about how we want to stab someone in the eye with a pen...... but I digress.

The problem with wishes is that, by their nature, they are unattainable. "I wish I was better at playing basketball" is as imaginary as "I wish fairies would come and sprinkle pixie dust on my car to make it run better." What we need are goals. (I told you to let me finish).

Goals, by their nature, are attainable. They are realistic, and they are quantifiable. There's a very definite flow, from wishes to goals to plans. Let's look at how that works. I will give you an example:

One of the things I struggle with is PT (physical training). Not, let me add, that I'm way out of shape or anything, but I'm not one of these guys who could model for Men's Health. I wish I were better at PT, and I wish I could model for Men's Health.

My problem now is that me saying I wish I were better at PT is doing nothing for me. There's no plan there, and I can just as easily say it sitting in my chair watching TV and eating Girl Scout cookies as I can running around the track. So where do I go from here? I have to assign meaning and numbers to my wish.

My goal is to score a 300 on the Army Physical Fitness Test. That's 75 push ups in 2 mins, 80 situps in 2 mins, and 2 miles in 13:09. That's what the Army tells me is being good at PT.

My other goal is to weigh 195 lbs.

OK, so now I've got numbers. Now, given those numbers, I can make plans. So, one plan is to do PT every night after work, focusing on push ups and situps for 15 minutes, followed by a three mile run. Or I can do gym workouts followed by treadmill runs of 30 minutes. Or any number of other plans. For the weight loss, I can monitor my caloric intake, limiting myself to 1800 calories a day, until I hit my target weight.

You see where I'm going with this, right? Wishes need numbers to make them attainable. Once you assign them numbers they become goals. Goals drive plans. Periodically, by the way, you should stop and reassess your goals. Maybe you will need to make a change to your plan, or you might need to (much less frequently) make a change to your goal.

It's a great system, but it only works if you've got self-discipline and motivation. So, I am going to provide myself with some motivation here by listing my goals for this deployment. Here you go, in no particular order:

Score a 300 on the APFT
Weigh 195 lbs
Get a COMPTIA Security + certification
Complete the Rosetta Stone Intermediate Arabic program
Be rated as one of the top three Captains in the battalion
Attend the ARCENT Signal University Microsoft System Admin class, the Cisco series of classes (three of them) and the Promina/REDCOM classes
Write and publish an article for the Army Communicator (the Signal Corps professional journal)
Maintain a network operational readiness rate of 95% or better

Each one of those goals has plans behind them. Ask me in 12 months how I'm doing.

And the coolest thing about this is, if you can make a wish, turn it into a goal by assigning it a quantity, make your goal attainable by designing a plan, and then work your plan, your wishes do come true (except for that fairy dust thing... you're on your own there).

Leaders and Managers

2008-03-28T05:00:00.000-06:00

Today we’re talking about leaders, managers, and why a good Leader needs to be both.

Leaders deal with people and the systems (physical, logical, administrative, it doesn’t matter) those people maintain
Managers deal with systems (again, physical, logical, administrative, it doesn’t matter) and the people who maintain them

There is a lot of overlap- the boundaries are blurred and many situations call for both.

Establishing systems and motivating personnel to implement and enforce them initially requires active leadership. You have to know the mission and understand the endstate, and then develop a system to get there. Then you have to ensure your Soldiers know the mission and endstate, are involved in developing the system, and since they’re the ones who actually implement them, you have to ensure they are bought in to the mission.

You have to define roles for your subordinates, develop a chain of command (either formal or informal) and enforce both of these. Formal chains of command are great- the highest ranking is in charge, then the next, and so on. Sometimes, though, you have to weigh the rank structure against what I like to call the “aristocracy of talent.” I (as a Captain) don’t know routers as well as my Soldiers, particularly SPC Gonzalez. So when I have a router issue, I get SPC Gonzalez. There are two NCOs who outrank him, but they also understand that he is the guy for the job. They’re bought in to the mission (keeping the network up) and the endstate (95% operational readiness rate) so they will use the informal chain of command and not be pissed at me when I put SCP Gonzalez in charge of networking, despite their higher rank.

Once the system is established, you settle down into the managerial role. You’ve defined roles, you’ve established a chain of command, you’ve implemented and enforced your systems and trackers and charts and what have you, and you sit back and watch it all work. Your subordinates each manage their piece of the puzzle, and they tweak as necessary to ensure the system does what it’s designed to do: achieve the endstate.

Sometimes, however, things go drastically wrong. Then the leader jumps back in, actively directing people, making decisions, and pushing forward towards your endstate. Once the crisis has passed, though, you’re back to management.

This works very well, I have found. The problem is when you get people who are leaders but not managers, or managers but not leaders.

Leaders but not managers are kind of like seagulls- they fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, and fly back out. It looks like progress initially, but there’s no forward movement. Whatever system they implement will fall apart in short order because they’re not capable of managing.

Managers but not leaders are also bad- they can’t get anything established. They’re great at coming into an established system and keeping it functioning, but they can’t set it up and they can’t deal with crises when they inevitably crop up.

Good Leaders (note the capital) can do both. They’re good at both, and their subordinates know it. Good Leaders also foster this in their subordinates.

A gripe here: if you’re the kind of person who hoards information because you have to be indispensible to the organization, or because you’re scared to let people know what you know, then I hate you. You’re bad for business. Here’s why: what happens when you get sick? Or in my line of work, when your vehicle gets hit by an IED and you die? You should be able to leave at any time and not suffer a degrade in your area. Take care of the mission, and your evaluation takes care of itself.

And now for something completely different:

Authority vs Responsibility

Leaders can delegate authority, but not responsibility. I can put someone in charge of an area within my purview, but I have to remember that I am responsible for his/her success or failure. So when I implement a system and enforce my chain of command, whether by rank or the aristocracy of talent, I will eventually end up holding the bag for the success or failure of my team AS A WHOLE. Good Leaders will back up their subordinates’ decisions, because they’re your decisions by proxy. If you’ve done your job right, you have nothing to worry about. You can go home at night knowing that your night shift is making independent decisions that are in line with your mission and endstate. If you haven’t done your job right, you should expect angry phone calls at all hours (particularly if you work for me).

And remember: “If it’s bad, it’s me. If it’s good, it’s us. And if it’s really good, it’s you.” Praise in public, punish in private. And other little sayings.

We, the led

2008-03-26T02:45:00.007-06:00

Today's post is about the other half of the leadership equation, the Led. What are our responsibilities as subordinates? How do we become effective subordinate leaders? I may even talk about developing our own subordinates, who knows? You just might get lucky. (CAVEAT: I am not going to talk too much about not whining, or having a good attitude, or anything like that. I am going to assume that someone who wants to be a leader already knows this stuff. If you're a whiner, go away).

First off, let me just say this (and you'd be surprised at how few people understand this): everyone has a boss. EVERYONE. Privates are led by corporals, corporals are led by sergeants, sergeants are led by other sergeants who are led in turn by lieutenants. Officers also have bosses- LT's are led by captains, who are led by majors, lieutenant colonels, colonels, generals, up to the Chief of Staff of the Army. That guy, the highest ranking officer in the Army, is led by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The CJCS is led by the President. And he is even led by a mandate from the people. Everyone has a boss.

Also, everyone has subordinates. Even if you're the lowest ranking private in the Army today, you are still responsible to lead yourself (sounds stupid, but you can develop as a leader with just yourself. It's true).

So what are our responsibilities as the Led? First of all, let's talk about the enlistment oath: "I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."

Then there's the oath of office (for officers): ""I, (NAME), having been appointed an officer in the Army of the United States, as indicated above in the grade of _____ do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign or domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office upon which I am about to enter; So help me God."

Pretty serious stuff there. Let's talk about the oath of enlistment first. We swear as enlisted members to support and defend the Constitution, and to bear true faith and allegiance to it (this applies to officers as well). We also swear, as enlisted folks, to obey the orders of the President of the United States and the officers appointed over us. Here's the kicker- according to regulation and the UCMJ. As I posted earlier, effective leaders have to know doctrine. Regulation and the UCMJ are doctrine. And if we were going to stay enlisted, we would be successful if that's all we did: obey orders.

For officers it’s a little bit different. We are solemnly swearing the same things about the Constitution, but in there as well, we are saying we volunteered for this job and that we are going to well and faithfully discharge our duties. We swear to be good at our jobs. Our primary function as officers (and some will disagree, but they’re not writing this post, so bleh) is to lead Soldiers. To be good at that, we have to take orders, and then we translate those into more orders, all of which lead to accomplishing the mission, whatever it is.

But what does that mean? Here's where it gets hairy. Orders are what we call specified tasks. They are tasks that we are specifically told to accomplish. But specified tasks breed implied tasks-- tasks we know we have to do in order to get the mission accomplished, but are not spelled out. Let's look at an example from everyday life. La Yen loves milk. She drinks a lot of milk. She knows that she has to buy milk fairly frequently. One of the "orders" she gives herself is to keep milk in the house at all times. That's a specified task. Implied in there is the obligation to either arrange delivery of milk or go to the grocery store to get it. In order to go get it, she has more implied tasks- get gas in the car, arrange for care for the Jooj, get money, etc.

Good subordinates obey orders, yes. But they also anticipate what the implied tasks of those orders are. Good subordinate leaders will take those specified and implied tasks and prioritize them into essential tasks-- those tasks which, if not accomplished, will cause the mission to fail. Then they parcel out those essential tasks to their own subordinates, ensuring they all get done.

In today’s Army, there’s very little time to be new. I tell that to my newest privates, fresh out of school. I generally give them about a week, and then I expect that they’re on their game. It’s not an unfair system, since that’s what I expect out of myself. We have a responsibility to learn enough about whatever job we’re in, whatever our mission is, to anticipate our tasks. We have to be able to know what to do, who to talk to, and where to find the information required to accomplish our missions.

Good subordinates are good, regardless of the quality of their leadership. It’s really easy to blame poor performance on your part on poor leadership, but I’m here to tell you, folks, it’s garbage. If we are well and faithfully executing our jobs, we aren’t going to depend on someone to tell us what to do. We’re going to listen to and understand the commander’s intent, anticipate our tasks, and execute them to the best of our ability.

So to sum up the rant, we are responsible to obey orders, well and faithfully execute our jobs, anticipate, and above all, know what we’re doing.

How do we make sure this happens with our subordinates? Why, we lead by example. My Soldiers know that I work longer hours than they do, that I know how to lay cable, fix a radio, and troubleshoot a computer. They know that when I give them missions, I give them context- I anticipate what my boss wants, tell them what I’m doing, and how they play into the grand plan. They know that I want to be the best, and I want them to be the best. They see me doing what I’m told, well and faithfully executing my job, and they work to become that way. I know of no other way to lead.

There are schools of thought out there that say leaders sit and parcel out work, never stirring. Those schools are the community colleges of thought. To be effective, you have to know your role as a subordinate, and you have to live that every day.

This is by no means exhaustive. I haven’t mentioned setting standards or goals, I haven’t mentioned leadership styles at all, and I haven’t mentioned empowering subordinates. Those topics will come later (unless I get tired). But this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and thought I’d get it down before I forgot it.

Your thoughts?

Save the drama for your momma

2008-03-25T01:12:00.000-06:00

OK, as promised, another post on leadership. This will apply specifically to the Army, but I have found that the military leadership model works in almost every situation.

As the title suggests, we're talking about drama today. Specifically, how becoming (a little) emotionally involved is a good thing, but too much leads to lack of communication, unclear guidance, poor morale and no buy-in to the mission on the part of your subordinate leaders.

Let me first begin by saying that the army (and most other environments that require leadership) is a world of facts and truth. Facts and truth put limits on the fluid situations in which we find ourselves. For the army, these facts and truth take the form of doctrine, tactics, techniques, and procedures (TTPs), and a continuous flow of information.

Doctrine is made up of Field Manuals (FMs), Technical Manuals (TMs), Army Regulations (ARs) and other Department of Defense publications. TTPs are just that: tactics, techniques, and procedures that may not be written in the army's doctrinal publications but are nonetheless commonly used and are written down in the form of Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs). These run the gamut from "use of static IP addresses is mandatory for all computers on this network" to "the second man in the stack will be the breach man and will use a shotgun to shoot out the lock."

Information (as I will define it) is data that has been subjected to analysis. It contains what I like to call the "so-what factor." As in, "Sir, the garbage truck ran over a cable." "So what?" "So now no one has internet." Information is usable in making decisions, while data is not.

So now we've defined terms, and we've taken a fluid environment and limited it with doctrine, TTPs, and information. Note that there is no emotion associated with this process- it is what it is. And this applies to every situation we can imagine in the military, whether on an infantry patrol in Baghdad or (for example) sitting on a base camp in Kuwait to launching a space shuttle or even going on leave. When we can objectively look at the situation, apply our knowledge of doctrine and what we've determined to be effective TTPs, and augment that with information, we can decide what to do and communicate that plan to our subordinates.

Generally, that last step is where we get into trouble (emotionally). I am a communicator by trade, and one thing communicators despise is interference. And a lot of times, our emotions act as interference. Someone who is so angry they can't speak has already lost the ability to communicate. And you've all seen the people who get so choked up (with happiness, sadness, whatever), who've "promised themselves they wouldn't do this [sob]" that they basically disintegrate. They may have had something interesting and relevant to say- who knows? Not you, and not me. And this is a serious problem in military leadership. You can be the meanest, nastiest, foulest talking NCO or officer, but if you let that get in the way of communicating your plan or intent to your subordinates, well, you're screwed. They won't understand, they won't listen (after all, you're just yelling, and we learn in basic training how to tune that out), and your mission (which is derived from a higher headquarters mission) won't get done.

You also won't be able to guide, teach, coach, or mentor effectively. Soldiers (a lot of the time) are like kids. You have to be consistent, you have to be calm, and you have to use short words that they understand. Just kidding on that last part. But you do have to be able to couch your thoughts in terms that someone without your experience or intimate knowledge of the systems involved will understand. And when you get mad or get abusive you can't do that.

I know of a situation where a leader got exceptionally cheesed off at a (very junior) subordinate leader. This junior leader, the LT, sent up a report with erroneous information in it. This made the senior leader, the Man, look foolish. The Man took this personally, and took it out on the LT. He spewed vitriol for a while, and then proceeded to hold a grudge. Now, any time the LT makes a tiny mistake, the Man gets angry and punishes the LT. Punishes, not disciplines. Not teaches, not coaches, not mentors, nothing like that. Just abuse. And it's not consistent- the other junior leaders make the same mistakes as the LT and the Man just blows them off. "No big deal, don't do it again." So now the LT has been ruined for military service. He won't listen, he refuses to believe that he's not being victimized, and frankly, he's right. He also won't work because he's scared to screw up, and so now the unit is down one Soldier. He's only taking up space.

Leaders in that kind of situation don't get any guidance. It's hard to teach or guide someone effectively if the only guidance or direction you give is "If you screw this up I will stab you in your ear." And then you've got someone who is not only scared to screw up, he doesn't even know how to avoid it. Your Soldiers see this, too. If you don't get clear guidance, you can't give clear guidance. Then you've got a unit full of Soldiers who don't know what they're doing, why they're doing it, what it means in the grand context of the overall mission, and they're scared to screw up, because they're scared of being punished severely as a knee-jerk emotional reaction.

Also, all the Soldiers around that LT have lost all their respect for the Man. His abuse, his uniformly negative emotional involvement, has crippled his ability to lead. And he's ruining the morale for the rest of the Soldiers. I have found (in eleven years of leading Soldiers) that happy Soldiers will do the most disgusting, miserable tasks they're told to do, and they won't hate you at the end of the day. It doesn't take too much to make Soldiers happy, either- just talk to them, ask them what's up, shake hands, and mean it. And show a willingness to work and learn from them- you don't have a monopoly on good ideas. That being said, even if you do all that, if you show yourself to be a person who is constantly reacting emotionally (and negatively) to changes in a situation which you already know is fluid, you will kill that morale. You will turn Soldiers who were happy and were willing to do terrible, arduous tasks for you into people who resent you, who are angry at you, and who have guns (think about that).

All of which brings us around to mission buy-in. This is where each Soldier understands his role in the mission, knows what his particular job brings to the table and is willing to contribute his skills to the unit in order to make the unit successful. When you as a leader are negatively emotionally involved, it stops being about the mission and starts being about you. You become the mission. Your Soldiers will spend their time wondering how to keep you away from them, out of the office, happy and calm, and they'll stop worrying about the mission and what they are actually deployed to do. No one will care that they have a particular needed skill-set, they will only care that it's time to get off shift and away from you.

So how do you keep all this from happening? Here are some tips.
- Remember, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! It's about the MISSION. Whatever you were hired to do, sent in to accomplish, whatever that is, that's the overriding factor. Your ego, your emotions, have nothing to do with it. If you want to get a good evaluation, you should worry about getting the mission accomplished. The rest takes care of itself.
- Likewise, when your subordinates screw up, they're not doing it TO you, they're just screwing up. Stop making it about punishment, and make it about consequences. "If you do this, then this happens." No emotion. It's just a fact.
- And if you don't want them to screw up, SHOW THEM WHAT RIGHT LOOKS LIKE. Don't just throw out random facts and null statements. Take the time to teach, coach, and mentor your subordinates. This way, when you have to yell, it's meaningful and effective.
- LEARN YOUR LIMITS- learn what defines and limits the fluidity of the situation. If you don't know what you're supposed to do, if you haven't studied the applicable FMs, TMs, ARs, if you haven't read up on the TTPs, and if you don't have information (versus data), you can't define your situation. You can't contain the chaos around you, and you are not going to be effective.

OK, that's all. More later, on another topic. I relish your feedback. Please write back

Just some stuff

2008-03-20T04:11:00.000-06:00

This is pretty much going to be stream of conciousness (only with better grammar and spelling... I am not that pretentious) so if you have, I don't know, standards, and only want to read something with a central theme and structure, you should probably navigate away now.

So basically, here's the update. It's only about 95 degrees now, so still mild. I am not anxious for the next three weeks, since I predict the weather is going to get crappy. Camp Slappy is getting another 400-500 Soldiers, so now we all have to move around. I have now gone from two other roommates who I really get along with well, to four roommates who I don't know how I'm going to get along with. We'll see how this goes.

I did have to pull rank, though. I did some math- see if you can follow along: Two people per bunk bed X three bunk beds = six people. But I only have four roommates. Meaning that there is a bunk with only one person in it. And that one, friends, is MINE. I very seldom do things like that, because I very seldom need to. But I broke the news to the guys last night in anticipation of the move, and got pouty lips in return. Oh, well.

The pulling rank thing is interesting- generally when I say that something should happen, it happens. Which means I almost never tell people what to do. And I really enjoy the "participative" leadership style, where I get a lot of input and then make a decision. It works well in the communications field, where there are multiple right answers and a broad range of skills and experience to draw from. So I seldom if ever find myself in a position where I issue orders peremptorily. But I've had to do it now twice in the past two weeks, and I think that maybe I have gotten too nice with people, and they've forgotten that the Army has rank for a reason? I don't know. Your thoughts?

Back to the bunk thing. I've slept in 60-man bays, in the back, on the hood of, and under HMMWV's (hum-vees), on the ground, on a cot, in planes, standing up leaning on a machine gun, and once in a Bradley Fighting Vehicle. I have also gone for up to 50 hours at a time with no sleep. I've deployed, gone to college (the deployment was easier-I hate school) , gone through a lot of nonsense in ROTC, and worked my butt off to be a Captain in the Army. I feel that I have earned the right to sleep in my own bed.

Back to pulling rank- the other time I had to do it was with my direct subordinate, a Lieutenant, who did not see the need for something I wanted him to do and was also feeling lazy about doing it, as it was going to involve a lot of labor for him (he thought). So we talked about it, because I feel that I don't have a monopoly on smart ideas and a lot of times, my guys have better ways to do things. At the end of the discussion, we still disagreed, he wasn't happy, so I told him "Check this out- you will do this." And he shut up. I think he was surprised.

OK, so I guess there was kind of a theme here. I think the next couple of blogs I do are going to be examinations of leadership styles. Unless I get bored or something else comes up. What are your thoughts on leadership? I am interested to hear about them.

Zzzzzz....

2008-03-11T22:19:00.000-06:00

If given the choice between a two-hour block of sleep or a shower and then one and a half hours of sleep, which would you choose?

I choose sleep.

Why I hate computers

2008-03-07T01:34:00.000-07:00

OK, so as many of you know, I work with communications equipment. And I love my job. Most days.

Here's the real deal: Radios are easy. All radios (used in the military) have the following components: Transmitter, Receiver, Clock, Encryption. That's it. When it doesn't work, you have a problem with one of those things. That's all. Easy. And you can get really crazy and start talking about line-of-sight or omnidirectional antennas, but even that's pretty simple.

NOTE: If you are some kind of electrical/mechanical engineer or something, yes I am oversimplifying. You have a hard job, and the world respects what you do. Blow me.

And generally computers are pretty simple too. There are a finite number of commands with routing and networking, and once you understand those, pretty much the routing world is your binary oyster.

So now we get to why I hate computers... A while ago (like when DARPA invented the Internet) the Army decided it would start using computers. They determined that we need a standard software/hardware package, and so every computer in the Army basically has the same things on it. And most of the people that develop the command and control systems base them on Windows, because that's what the world uses. If you're a Mac user or some kind of penguin-loving douche, I hate it for you. So....

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEONE INVENT A SYSTEM THAT USES LINUX/UNIX TO INTERFACE WITH WINDOWS SYSTEMS?!?!?!?!?!?

I spent two hours looking up routing commands and reading technical specs on the Solaris operating system (Damn you, Sun Microsystems. Damn you to hell), only to find that, in an attempt to retain some kind of superiority to the REST OF THE WORLD, they made all their networking and routing commands different. So I can't do the things that I need to, because some nerd who hasn't left his home office in eight years and has a three-inch crust of Cheeto dust on him wants to be one of five people in the world who can do what I'm trying to do.

Here's another reason I hate computers: They hate me. My boss is angry. It's not an emotion with him, it's a personality trait. And one of the things that makes him angriest is when he pushes a button and something doesn't do what he expects it to do. And wouldn't you know it, EVERY DAY something happens where he can't print or can't send an email or something. This is verifiable- I have my Soldiers keep a log of all the work they do.

His is the only computer that happens to. The ONLY ONE.

I hate computers.

The good life

2008-02-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

So here I am, all the way over on Camp Slappy, three hours ahead of Greenwich Mean time, and I'm trying to establish some sort of normalcy. So I got my awesome teddy bear that Gigi made me

and then I had a BBQ.

Just so's you know, I'm doing ok. Work is work, I get Sundays off, and we get to BBQ. Life is not too bad.

War is Hell

2008-02-08T05:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the trenches here at Camp Slappy! Just a little update from the front lines...

We are certainly in an austere environment here. The wireless internet in the rooms is pretty slow, and the free cable reception is spotty. I have been reduced to renting movies and tv shows from the Red Cross facility here to pass the time in the evenings... when I'm not at the gym. The pillow and bedsheet selection at the PX is pretty limited, so I just have one set for now. I hope to change that in the near future.

We get our share of visiting dignitaries, which is always an ordeal. Scarlet Johanssen was recently here, and some of the Soldiers didn't even get an autograph!

Chow is ok, I guess. Sometimes I get tired of chicken or lasgna or cereal, so I have to settle on the salad bar. The only problem is, they have all the vegetables and dressings spread all over the dining facility, so I have to walk around a lot to get what I want. But I think the biggest disappointment is that they consistently overdo the prime rib on Wednesdays, so I have to eat two or three lobster tails just to get full. I'll make do, I guess.

I sure do miss the states, though. Oh, well. That's why they call it war.

My address

2008-01-17T04:14:00.000-07:00

OK, here's my address.

CPT Waldo Galan
HHB, 2-43 AMD BN
APO AE 09366

I also urge you to support this web page:

www.anysoldier.com

It is basically a distribution vehicle for care packages addressed to "Any Soldier." For those of you who've been deployed (or served missions) you know how important mail is. This web page was started by a Soldier in Iraq (and later Afghanistan) and it gives profiles for Soldiers who have signed up to serve as points of contact for their section/platoon/company. So if you surf to that page and look up my profile, for instance, you will see that I have seven Soldiers that I'm responsible for and what items we would like to receive. If you're feeling generous you can find Soldiers on there who really need stuff and send them something as well.

Just something to think about.

Greetings from [INSERT SOLDIER NAME HERE]

2008-01-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hello from the United States Army! Your Soldier has arrived safely in the country of [NAME WITHELD] and has inprocessed at Camp [NAME WITHELD] successfully. He/She will be enjoying a 15-month deployment here on Camp [NAME WITHELD], where we anticipate that his/her mission of [WITHELD] will be very successful, allowing us to defeat the threat posed to our national security by [WITHELD]. Please do not worry about your Soldier, as he/she is fine and healthy.

Have a nice day.

The Army

Seriously, though, I have arrived at what I will be affectionately referring to as Camp Slappy, and am doing just fine. There is a nice gym here, a good dining facility where many Bangladeshi, Malaysian, and Filipino laborers cook day and night, and a fairly nice work environment (for a tent, that is). Things are very safe here, and there is not a lot going on. For obvious reasons, I won't be posting very much about my mission here, but you will get fairly frequent updates on life here at Camp Slappy.

The deployment started off fairly well, seeing as how the Army chartered a plane for us and I got to sit in First Class for the twenty-hour trip here. The only crappy part is that when we arrived here in the desert, it was raining and super cold. Then we had a bus ride from the airfield to Camp Slappy, and then had to stay up all day so we could avoid jet lag.

NOTE: The cure for Jet Lag has been discovered. Ready? DON"T EVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE! This amount of travel blows.

I am sleeping in a nice, climate controlled tent with a plywood floor. I have a bed and a wall locker. I will post pics when I can. I am eating well and going to the gym daily, so that's nice.

For those of you who are wondering what I do, I manage communications. I maintain two computer networks, some satellite communications, and several tactical radio networks. I also interface with the Big Army communications folks, ensuring that we can tie into any of the joint and multinational networks we need to.

Anyway, I am here, and will be here for 15 months. If you want my address so you can send me gifts, please email me at wdgalan (at) gmail (dot) com. (thanks ricky)

More later.

-w

Army-isms

2007-12-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading my last post and some of the comments, and I saw that azucar wants to hear about my dud Soldier. So here it is, briefly: I have about 12 Soldiers that work directly for me. I can count on 11 of them to execute any given task fairly efficiently (within the scope of their experience), and I can count on the other one to take twice as long, complain twice as loudly, and do half as well. I get a lot of calls from other Captains that go something like this: "Your Soldier, Skippynuts, started working on my computer/radio/printer/cell phone two days ago and still hasn't come back to finish what he started." This forces me to expend effort to have someone finish what Skippynuts started and yell at him. That's the story. Great, huh? Was it worth it?

But what I really started thinking about was the amount of highly specialized terms (like "Skippynuts") generated by the military service. So I thought I'd give you some examples of my favorites, and then open the forum so you can ask questions.

Terms you commonly hear:

-Roger: Means "I understand your last transmission," and "Yes." It is properly used in radio communications as a shorthand response to avoid long transmissions. For example, "Lost One, this is Lost Three, are you lost too, over?" "Roger"

-WILCO: Short for Will Comply. Also a radio communications word. NEVER USE THIS WITH ROGER. "Roger WILCO" makes you sound stupid.

-Squared Away: Means Good, or Competent, or Well Executed. You can also use it negatively, as in "squared away like a doughnut." See, it's funny because doughnuts aren't square. Get it? Get it?

Other Things you Will Hear:

- Negative. Never "No." Always "Negative."

- There are no men or women in the Army, there are only Males and Females. (It's tempting to think that there are just no women, just females who look like males.)

- High Speed. This can be good or bad, depending on your tone. Saying that something is high speed is generally good, but calling someone high speed ("Hey there, High Speed, why don't you put the safety on that weapon?") is not.

Colorful Phrases (which I will attempt to clean up)

These are some of my favorite ways to describe incompetence or poor military appearance. Call me crazy...

"Squared away like a doughnut/football bat/beach ball."

"He is a dud."

"You are an oxygen thief." An oxygen thief is someone who, by their very existence, steals air from creatures who need to use their brains.

"You look like a bag of (penises)." Usually you don't use that word. If you ever want to stop someone in their tracks and make them reconsider an outfit or haircut, use this one.

"This is a cluster." A messed up situation.

"Skippynuts." When I can't remember a Soldier's name, that's the name I substitute. Maybe that's just me, though.

I will think of more later, but for right now those are some of the ones I have used most frequently. If you have any that you heard but want to know where they come from or what they mean, just let me know.

I googled myself, and now I think I'm going blind

2007-11-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

Because I care about you, the taxpayer, I spend a lot of time at my federal job, where I am the communications officer for my battalion. I lead 12 highly motivated Soldiers (and one dud, but that's another post...) and we are a streamlined, efficient machine, dedicated to communications excellence. Because of our efficiency, I spend a lot of time on the Internet, and frequently will browse around looking for information on my favorite topics. And thus it was, early one afternoon, that I googled my name. The first two hits are this blog. But then I saw this guy:

What? Yeah. My dad is all over the web, in three languages. That's depressing. You'd like to think that you make a difference, and it ends up that all you need to become a web icon is a larger than average forehead.

There are some other Waldo Galans out there, too. For instance, I also saw this guy:

This gentleman's name is Waldo T. Galan, and he's from Mexico and Texas. He apparently recently passed away, which is sad. The world needs more Waldo Galans.

At first I though this was just another guy blessed with an awesome name like Waldo Galan. But then I looked closer, and started noticing similarities between him and my dad. Well, mostly one similarity: Forehead Size. I don't believe this is a coincidence.

So someone tell me- do you all think I'm related to this guy? Am I doomed to have a giant forehead? And how can I become so efficient that I don't even need to show up to work?

An open letter to writers on strike

2007-11-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Striking Writers:

I am writing on behalf of television and movie viewers everywhere to tell you that we are disappointed in your decision to stop writing and instead strike. I think I speak for everyone concerned when I say that your unwillingness to continue working in spite of conditions you think are "unfair" and "cheating you out of money you've never had before and wouldn't know what to do with if you had it" is making things pretty hard for us, the common viewer. I am, of course, speaking of tonight's last episode of "the Office."

Let me give you a completely hypothetical example of how this strike could affect a person. Say, for instance, that you are a Captain in the military, and that you loved watching the Office. And then, say, you found out one day that the show you loved to watch, because it made you laugh and gave you something to talk about with your coworkers, your comrades, literally, in arms, well, say that show was canceled without any kind of plot device telling you that it was going to happen. If that happened, you might be so frustrated that you said really hurtful things to your Soldiers, causing them to not be able to focus, causing them to fail to complete a seriously mission-critical task, causing the national security to be compromised, allowing Al Qaeda to attack, and causing American Soldiers to be killed. So you see, your strike is killing Americans. And puppies.

Please, writers, be American Patriots. Start writing. Write the Office again. Or I'll report you to Homeland Security.

Love, Waldo

names have been changed to protect the innocent

2007-11-09T09:20:00.001-07:00

Greetings, one and all. I am posting yet another one in my series of (nearly) annual blog entries. I intend to make these much more frequent, so we'll see how that goes.

You may have noticed that I changed the name of the Blog. It was formerly "title goes here." It is now "wandering thoughts." I did this for a number of legitimate reasons. Firstly, I thought that three years was enough time to come up with a title. Second, I like the multiple meanings implicit in the title. See, I am going to be deploying to Kuwait in approximately two months and so, in addition to my thoughts wandering around my brainal cavity, my head and brain themselves will be wandering around the world. Multiple meanings. That's the kind of economy the whole world should adopt, so we wouldn't be wasting resources. Studies have shown that if we could all adopt that kind of economic mindset, gas would cost 80 cents per gallon.

So I'm on vacation. This is the first vacation I've taken this year. We left El Paso and drove to California to spend time with family. Also, we were able to attend a movie screening for my good, close, personal friend and movie star, Chris Clark. His movie is called Stalking Santa and its available in Wal-Marts across the land RIGHT NOW. We saw it at a fabulous theater in the Grove mall in Los Angeles. Here's the pic of the front of the DVD:

As you can probably tell from the cover, it's awesome. I'd also like to think that my influence has been felt in the making of this movie, but that's probably not true. Here's a funny story that happened, though. As we were leaving, we were accosted by some random girl who told my wife she knew her. "I know you" she said, which was confusing for us because we had never seen this girl before, ever. Ends up, she knew Jen from the Blogosphere. Her name is Emmy, which is probably the right spelling but who knows (E, I'm sorry if I misspelled your name), and she is very nice.

So that's my brush with celebrity. I gave Chris Clark a hug, met someone new, and saw an awesome movie. I am still in the LA area for another day, so we'll see if I meet someone else. The writers' strike is on now, so I'm sure I'll meet a writer at a restaurant somewhere, as he brings me my Dr. Pepper and burger.

That's all for me right now. I will post again soon, I promise. Have fun out there in internet land.

I heart dirt

2007-08-10T07:56:00.001-06:00

Yeah, it's been like months. I know you guys have been checking daily, wondering when I was going to post something, and I know that I have been daily shattering your fragile dreams and hopes by refusing to post anything. It's hard, I know. But please bear with me. I will post new things now and again, so you're just going to have to keep checking back.

So, updates. Let's see, what are the big ones? Jen and I are still married, mostly because I never seem to come home long enough to annoy her significantly. Gigi is still too cute for us to kill (although she's apparently pushing the envelope with Jen. More later). I am still in the army, and got promoted to Captain. That's right, Cap'n G. All that means is that I am doing the same work I was doing before, only now I'm just underpaid, not criminally underpaid.

Another update, for those of you who may not know, is that in the beginning of 2008 I will be deploying to the middle east for about 15 months. We're going to Qatar or Kuwait, so it's not going to be too dangerous.

As a result of the upcoming visit to the sandbox, we are spending significant amounts of time in the field. Luckily, since I manage all the communications, I have hooked myself up with email service and am able to write stuff. Also luckily for me, all the other communications stuff is working now, so I have time to post something.

I feel like I'm rambling because the six hours of sleep I got yesterday are making me delirious. I love my cot and tent.

Back to being in the field... All the time we are spending out here in the field is what drives the title of this blog. I heart dirt. Not only do I heart dirt, I heart it in my nose, ears, eyes and mouth. I heart it in places that we don't mention in polite socitey - places that a wet wipe will just not clean effectively. I heart it in my food and in my clothes, and especially all over my computers and phones. Dirt is really great.

One great thing about dirt is that when you get it wet, it turns into mud. We have had some pretty significant rainstorms out here this past two weeks, and let me tell you, that mud is really something. I mean, dirt is awesome, but when you add water, it just turns into this viscous slime that sticks to everything and turns into cement when it dries. Oh, and when it gets saturated, it forms puddles where mosquitoes breed (in 24 hours or less - seriously) and then come into our tents and bite us in our sleep. And let's not forget, we just had the first case this year of West Nile virus documented in El Paso... not five miles from where we are camped. So at least I've got that going for me.

And the greatest part of the whole thing is that I am going to be living in this same dirt for at least two weeks out of every month between now and October, and then fly for 18 hours to go live in foreign dirt. Yeah, it's dirt on an American military installation, so it's technically not Foreign per se, but it's close enough. I will fill requests for foreign dirt for anyone who wants some. Heck, I will send you some of our fine local dirt if you want some too, just so you can see why I heart dirt so much. I heart dirt.

My new favorite GOB

2006-06-12T12:32:00.000-06:00

So, I was at the mall (the Cielo Vista Mall in El Paso, TX, that is) and I saw the job I want to have when I retire. Jen can vouch for this.

No sooner had we walked in, than we saw two (yes, two) uniformed security guards moving forward in some kind of bizarre formations... on Segways. For those of you who don't watch Arrested Development, you should just go to the corner and do the Running Man until you're good and sorry. And then go to this web page: www.segway.com

So these guys beg these questions:

1. How fat/lazy/crippled/retarded do you have to be to need to use a Segway Human Transport System to get around the mall?
2. What do you do if someone, I don't know, starts running?
3. What do you do if someone goes upstairs?

But because I have been trained to provide solutions to problems, here's what I recommend:
1. Lose some weight. If this is not an option, or if you have some kind of thyroid issue, then...
2. Install some kind of turbo. How sweet would you be if you could hit like 50-60 mph on a Segway?
3. Also, install a jetpack. This would go a long way toward that flying car concept we were all promised we'd have by the year 2000 (see the Jetsons)

Then, of course, there's the combat application. Paint it camo, add a machine gun and a grenade launcher, and you'd have the ultimate weapon. Put a couple of midgets on there, and you'd be the scariest army in the world.

That's just what I think, though

Just to recap

2006-05-11T16:32:00.000-06:00

OK, Jen's been gone for four days. Here's the recap:

day one: Soccer game, wallowing in filth, no sleep. See post below. Lunch: tuna Lunchable. Dinner: hot dogs (microwaved, eaten on white bread), ice cream for dessert. Bedtime: 1:45 am.

day two: worked late, came home, fell asleep in uniform on the floor while watching Spin City. Woke up approx 7:30 pm. Rented "The Longest Yard" remake with Adam Sandler. It's actually really funny. Dinner: steaks and salad. Bedtime: 12:30 am

day three: left work at about 5:00, went home. Fell asleep on the floor watching Spin City. Woke up approx 8:00 pm. Watched House, Criminal Minds, CSI. Dinner: Golden Grahams and a Coke. Bedtime: 1145 due to early basketball game.

day four (ongoing): Teleconference with Korea at 5:30 pm, will arrive home approx 7:45. Woke up to go to the game, but the dogs escaped. Spent 2.5 hours looking for the little sons of guns throughout the neighborhood. Missed the game. Boss is angry with me. Lunch: sandwich at applebee's. Dinner: to be determined (probably popcorn or chips and salsa).

This is how pathetic I am. Please help.

I am useless

2006-05-09T13:54:00.000-06:00

I'm a wreck.

Jen went out of town today. This means that I am on my own, left to fend for myself in the bewildering world of cooking and paying bills, doing my own laundry, getting a decent night's sleep, and basically taking care of my personal hygeine.

Not to say that I am some kind of chauvinist. I realize that Jen (who does these things because she is a wonderful person) is not bound by some kind of traditional gender role into doing all of these things. I am just saying that, left on my own, I am a complete mess.

Just a little illustration here- last night (night one) I had a soccer game. It went til 9:30 pm, after which I went home. A normal, functional adult would go home, drink some water, take a shower, and go to bed in order to get up at 5:30 am and go to work. Notice I stipulated a normal, functional adult. What did I do? I naturally stayed up until about 12:45 watching CSI reruns and wallowing in my filth. Then I took a shower (give me some credit) and went to bed. I couldn't sleep, though, so I read until about 1:45 am when I finally crashed. This is not good. Today I am a complete mess and have had to resort to Monster Energy Drinks to keep myself awake and functioning at minimum capacity.

The ONLY good thing about this is that if I have to work late, I don't feel like I'm missing out on family time. But that is small consolation for being a social retard when I'm on my own.

And the thing about it is, I don't know how this happened to me. I am a guy who has gone to live on his own before, deployed to various corners of the world, runs a staff section and is responsible for all of the automations and communications needs of a battalion of 650 personnel. I am not without skills. I just completely fall apart without my wife.

Pathetic, huh?

It's About Time

2006-05-05T00:10:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so I have this blog that I haven't touched since January? December? Whatever. I had a thing.

What's new with me, you may ask? Well, let me tell you... not a lot. I've got a new ten pounds on me, and a new appreciation for a full night's sleep. Oh, and I play soccer now (that's "football" if you're a pretentious fop).

Here's something... I was contacted by a relative of mine that I have not spoken to in literally 25 years. I cannot use this person's name or anything because they don't want other members of the family finding out about them, but it sure did come out of the blue for me. I have now picked up an e-relationship with this person and we are catching up. It's weird. But really cool. Families are forever.

Continuing on with stream-of-conciousness, it's midnight and there are still people playing ORGANIZED SOFTBALL at the field behind our house. Midnight. On Thursday. COME ON!! Because naturally this means that the park lights have to be on and that means that it is like daylight in our bedroom because the light shines in the bathroom window. What is really going on?

And to finish up randomly, I have a list. Top five metal songs that when you hear the first eight bars, it is instantly recognizable and you physically cannot stop yourself from making the devil fingers and bobbing your head:

5. Thunderstruck, by AC/DC
4. Ironman, by Black Sabbath
3. Hell's Bells, also by AC/DC
2. Dead or Alive, by Bon Jovi (that's for Jen)
1. Welcome to the Jungle, by GNR

We could go on like this all day. Give me your list of songs. Include pwer ballads if you would. I'm trying to win an argument with a buddy.

-w.

what's wrong with you people??

2005-12-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

OK, so I'm reading a blog that was written by a young (12) girl. There are some posts on there that are NOT written by a preadolescent boy, but instead are posted by some sick SOB who has dirty ulterior motives in mind. Here is my question: Where are the parents? Why do the parents not regulate what goes on in the crazy Interweb thing all the kids are doing? To make myself feel better, and to rant insanely, I am going to give a couple of points that you people should follow.

Point 1: (Most important) The computer goes in a public place. No kid gets a computer in their room. Computers are great tools. However, with the amount of really nasty people on the internet right now, and with the amount of horrible places to visit on the net, we as families should remove the threat by ensuring that the computers are in places where we can see what's going on on them.

Point 2: Password protect the monkey out of that thing. No one should be able to get on the computer without parental permission, and the only people who should know that password are the parents. This makes sure that the parents know when the kids are online. And this leads me to point 3.....

Point 3: Learn to use the History tab. The History shows you what web sites have been visited day by day. You can get this by pressing the History button, or you can use the drop down URL bar. Parents (using the password) should be the only ones who delete the History. If it's deleted on a day when you didn't BOTH agree to do it, then you know that someone in the house is deleting it because they don't want you to see what they've been looking at.

Point 4: Kids have no expectation of privacy. Did they pay for the computer? Do they pay for the house? Are they your kids and do you love them? Then you have the exclusive, permanent, and inalienable right to spy on them and search their stuff- physical and intellectual property. If they cry, tell them to suck it up. If they hate you, at least they're not being molested by some mullet-wearing, moustached perv in a minivan. You're in charge. Be in charge.

I guess that's it. Please be responsible adults, and if you can think of other tips, please post them in the comments. And if you know or suspect something is going on with someone, let people know. Start with the parents and go on to the authorities. Do your part.

My Hero

2005-09-27T10:38:00.000-06:00

This blog is basically an homage to my wife. She's totally my hero. Let me illustrate:

She's a hottie, and she's a great cook. This hasn't changed since we were 18, other than her cooking skill has improved. She married me when she totally shouldn't have, setting herself up for at least two years of "we're way too young for this." Then, she stayed with me even though I joined the Army. This is significant because she had broken up with a guy before that who was going into the Naval Academy, thinking that she didn't want to be with a military man. While I was in the Army, she moved with me to Monterey, CA, causing her to have to take a year off from school and when she got back to school, they had gotten rid of her program, which she really loved. She's been by herself almost half of the marriage because of my job, and still likes me. She gave up a job that she liked, great neighbors (nayvors), a nice house, and the intermountain west to come to El Piss-o and not be able to find a job. And most recently, even though it drives her insane to be in the house all the time, she stays at home to take care of Gigi.

Those are just some of the reasons. I know I totally married up- she's more educated, smarter, more spiritual, and a better parent than I am. I really don't know what I bring to the relationship other than astoundingly good looks and a mediocre income. I'm lazy, I don't really like to pick up after myself, and I'm really not interested in doing much other than watching TV at night and playing with the baby. Yeah, I'm a catch. And through it all, she stays with me, and was even suckered into marrying me in the Temple, sealing her to me for eternity. Boy, did she get gypped.

I know that she works harder than I do, because I can go to work and have time to do things like post blogs (yes, your tax dollars paid for this. You own an infinitessimally small part of this blog- probably the "s" in "small") while she has to be "on" all the time for Gigi. Plus, work for me is fun (most of the time) and I get to see some of my friends. Meanwhile, she's at home. I know this, and I want to publically say that I appreciate it.

So basically, Jen is the coolest. That's what I'm trying to say. I love her, and I appreciate her, and she's my hero. Maybe I ought to tell her this more when I'm at home, instead of saving it for a public forum like the Internet. I don't know. But at least it's out there now, and everyone knows it.

-w.

Summer Movie Mayhem

2005-09-06T15:45:00.000-06:00

Ok. I haven't seen a lot of movies recently because of the whole baby thing, and so I thought it would be a real treat for me to go with the guys to see a movie this past Friday while Jen was having some sort of girly party (pillow fights? lingerie? No man knows.)

So we went to see Transporter 2. Now, I really enjoyed the first one, as implausible as it was. It was just believable enough to make it cool. I mean, someone really did drive the car, and there was a lot of butt-kicking action. So I thought that the second one would be more of the same.

Here's the thing. I am an easy movie audience. I can suspend my disbelief to lengths that really frustrate Jen. Wild driving? Check. Crazy acrobatic Kung-Fu stylings? Got it. Dragons and magic and physics-defying antics? No problem. Really, about the one thing that really gets to me is when there is some kind of realism in the plot, to where we're made to think that this is the "real" world, and then someone pops up with a magically never-ending magazine of 9-millimeter bullets, which then someone proceeds to dodge. Yeah. I'm a nerd, but ballistics is where I draw the line.

So in the interests of full disclosure, I will list my five least believable moments in Transporter 2.

1. OK, so there's a bomb on the bottom of Jason Statham's really really really cool Audi. He happens to see it in a reflection in the puddle over which the car is parked. So far, so good. So the evil villains let him go, thinking to get some distance between themselves and the bomb. Well, Jason knows, so he drives all-out onto the beach, finds a convenient ramp, and guns it. You guessed it, turbo-boost up the ramp, which turns the car over in midair. He then catches the bomb on the convenient hook of a crane that is just right there, the car continues its roll, and he lands perfectly without destroying his axles or exploding his tires as the bomb, hooked onto the crane, explodes.

2. All right, so this crazy psycho chick wearing a lab coat and some skank lingerie who has the body of a 7-year old boy unleashes with two TAC-9 submachine guns. She has two 30-round magazines. In my elementary school, we learned that 30+30=60, not 360. Nevertheless, she never reloads. Argh.

3. In an attempt to get the antidote, Jason Statham dives out of a third-story window.... onto a taxi. Then gets up and runs away. I am kind of an expert in falling down, and there's NO WAY.

4. While trying to get at the Russian scientist (yeah, it's a cliche. Haven't you seen the pattern yet?) J.S. is running down a fire escape. He's being shot at, and dodges the bullets. Now, you're saying "Neo dodges bullets, and Jason Statham is like 900% cooler than Keanu Reeves." Yes, but here's the thing: they explain it away in the Matrix by saying we're all basically meat batteries for a computer, whereas the Transporter exists in the "Real" world of Miami. Remember what I said about suspending disbelief? There you go.

5. In the drug dealer's mansion, J.S. and crazy psycho 7-year-old-boy lady are having a fight. Well, Jason's sort of standing there, while the girl is swinging from Mardi Gras beads and trying to hit him. I have seen MANY kung-fu movies, and that was the suckiest scene that ever sucked. It was terrible, and very anti-climactic.

Those are 5. There are more, but I'm too depressed that I paid eight dollars to see that crap. It's entertaining, but either rent it or see it at the dollar movies. If you're going to do it in El Paso, though, make sure that the pimply-faced teen usher Gestapo don't see you with your own smuggled-in treats, or they'll make you give them up in an embarrassing scene right in the middle of the movie.... so I've been told.

OK, now you. What are your least believable movie scenes? Remember, it has to be set in the "real" world. I know broomsticks don't fly. However, if you can explain it away using the rules of the "imaginary" world the movie is set in, then go ahead.

The Running Man

2005-08-31T09:16:00.000-06:00

Let me just tell you how much I hate running. I probably run about 15-20 miles a week in a normal week, and I hate running. I'm not a bad runner. I'm actually pretty average. The problem is, I can think of at least 5 unpleasant things I would rather do than run. As a matter of fact, here's the list:

1. Go to the dentist. I don't floss, so going to the dentist is painful for me. I would still rather go to the dentist than run four miles (the normal run here in C Battery). The dental clinic here has a technician who is at least 100 lbs overweight and has man-hands, so you feel like someone's trying to cram sausages in your mouth and then poke you with sharp metal things, and you know what? I would STILL rather go to the dentist than run.

2. Clean the garage.

3. Sit through a three-hour meeting. I have a superior officer who is my Battalion Executive Officer. I'll call him Chuck. He will happily talk for three hours about NOTHING, and then expect us to know everything that's going on in the Battalion (that's a lot of people and events). He also loves Power Point. By contrast, it takes me about a half hour to run 4 miles. The meeting is better.

4. Speaking of Power Point, I would rather make up a 45-minute Power Point presentation about ANYTHING than run. I would rather do a presentation about running than actually run.

5. I would rather eat crappy Mexican food and get the runs than actually run. At least with the runs, I'd get some reading done.

Yeah, I'm lame. Here's how lame. I was feeling motivated the other night and so I got on the treadmill, thinking that I would run while watching one of my favorite shows, The Closer. I set it to a 9-minute mile pace (very slow) thinking that I would run 4 miles and the show would be just about over. I did two miles easily, and could have run more with no problems, but I was so bored that I just quit. Not because I was tired or hurt or anything, but because I was bored. Lame.

How do you feel about running?

Yeah, I've got a blog too.

2005-08-29T10:07:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I've got a blog too.

My wife has one, my friends have one, and now I have one. Give it up for peer pressure. My first posting is just a desperate plea for people to read. I promise to do my best to make it interesting or funny, but at the end of the day, I just want people to read it and post stuff.

OK, so a little about me. My name is Waldo. Yeah, insert stupid joke here. I guarantee you that I have heard every single "where's Waldo" joke, and even most of the Van Halen "Hot for Teacher" references. I am married, and have been for eight and a half years. My wife's name is Jen, and she has a blog called "elpasorepresentyo". I am an Army officer stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas, in the scenic city of Occupied Northern Juarez, otherwise known as El Paso, TX. I work in the Air Defense field, so don't bother lobbing a tactical ballistic missile at me, or I'll have to shoot it down. Jen and I have a little daughter named Georgia Grace (GiGi) who is by far the prettiest baby in history. I'm sorry, I'm sure that you all love your kids, but empirically speaking, GiGi blows them all out of the water. Link to our website at http://galanapalooza.hopto.org

Anyway, Jen and I moved out here from Utah. At this point, I want to send a little shout out to Jen. She is the coolest, most supportive, most wonderful person ever. Also, she's a great cook and a little hottie. She quit a job and left a house where she had friends and some awesome neighbors in order to come down here to the desert and swelter along with me. Then, once we adopted, she decided she didn't want to work in order to raise GiGi. She rules.

Continuing on, I expect to be here in El Paso for the next couple of years at least. It's a fun time.

Ok. Now you all post something. If it's original, I'll take a where's waldo joke. If it's not original, expect to get mocked. Try not to be profane, because who knows who's going to read this.

Ready... GO.
-w.